The beginning,

Like many many other days, I started my day with a dream...Dream of losing weight,
Now I am at a point which I don't believe I can do it anymore,
I see slim girls and it feels like they have everything that I don't have,
My life appears to be normal and even fortunate compared to many other people, but deep inside I am struggling with things that have haunted me for a long time,
I was a fat kid and I have brother which did an excellent job reminding this fact to me every second of my childhood,
When I go through my childhood photos, I don't look that fat in any of them, I don't know if I have developed a conscious to escape from cameras,since I only have handful of photos
Being fat made me to be an indoor kid, Since I was to afraid to being teased by other kids,
I started dreaming, about the day that I am thin,
When I go back and read all stuff that I have written here, it gives me a picture of sad girl, about 200lbs
but the truth is I am not even overweight, I am 145lbs,
At my heaviest I was 170lbs,
....
I immigrated to Canada when I was 17/16, What a year!!!!
I became so depressed to a point which I was at my breaking point,
I don't know how other people would feel to be so conscious about how they speak, to not make any mistakes and to cover up their thick accent,
It is sad that after many year in Canada, I still speak with such a thick accent,
My thoughts are all over the place,
But I should not stop dreaming,
Maybe one day, I gain myself back,
One day I will not miss a party, a wedding or my graduation ceremony because of my fears
<3